i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
