Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please, let me fuck your mom
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As shirtless as possible
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
