I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
