Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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