It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
