Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
