Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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