I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
