Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
