I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
