Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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