dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We have so much sex to catch up on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
