I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
