Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
