I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
