i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
