I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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