i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
