remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there's paper in my vomit.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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