so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
