Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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