At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
