I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
