Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We are all done wearing pants today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
