I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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