She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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