how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
