sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
