I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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