I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
