my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
