just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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