he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
did you just send me my own nude
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
