My pussy is not your playground.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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