Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
