He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
