i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
