we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
