Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
