Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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