help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
