I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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