sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
