Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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