she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
