I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
