Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
