Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
