who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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