THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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