we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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