haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
