I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
