I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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