Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
