Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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