If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
