just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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