he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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