he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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