Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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