I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
