Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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