Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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