Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
