I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry about my life...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
