there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
