So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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