We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
