she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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