I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
