I love black thongs
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
