I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
