Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
