He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
