She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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