I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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